I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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