Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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