Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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