Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
