Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
