I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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