so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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