I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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