Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
