You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
