4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
