Do you still have your period?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
