I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I can text with my tongue
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
