I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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