Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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