i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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