My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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