Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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