My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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