at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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