I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
