Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
