im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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