Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
