I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
