i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
