I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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