My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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