peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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