Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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