my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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