the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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