Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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