also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Randomize
