i was rollin on her like bob the builder
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
