Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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