Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
