dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
