I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
