it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
