I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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