You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
