my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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