I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
