Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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