I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
