apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
