Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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