This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
