speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
im on a boat
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