A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
